I'm writing this as a reminder of a day that will hopefully change the outcome of how i do later on.

It was Aug 5th 2009. A normal day at the job, hump day.

Went to work as normal, did the normal things I do at the office. I work for a physician's office for those that are curious.

Well, that day I decided that I'm going to see the neurologist that comes in to use our facilities on Wednesday.

He came in and gave me a consultation as per my concern with myself.

He has a talk with me, and he has me point out if I have certain symptoms of ADD.

I was 9/9 on the test that he showed me.

So he prescribe me, vyvanse.

A lil bit before the end of the day I get a txt from one of my friends who use to work with us.

Me and her were close and it was nice to know she was alright. So she asked me if i wanted to come over and smoke? I said lemme ask Lauren if she wants to take me down there and join us.

So i ask and she was cool about it.

We do a few errands first that she has to do and we drive down and get to my friend rianna's crib.

We get down I meet her father for the first time and we go to her room.

Afterwards while we are in discussion about random work and yadda crap, Lauren busts out the bowl to start the smokin. She had some really good crypy (i dunno how its spelled) it seemed.

I take a few hits one very strong one too.

This turned my world upside down.

I have done this enough to know how ripped i could be and how normal high i can be.

Well.. i was freakin ripped beyond measure.

I felt as though i was in a movie it was so strong.

So Lauren says lets take gabe home.

We immediatly head out and i get in the back seat.

That ride... felt like my last ride..

It was most likely due to the paranoia from the bud, but it really didnt feel that way.

While we were on the highway the windows were down, i couldnt put on my seatbelt cause the back seats didnt have any for some odd reason.

Sitting there i Invisioned my death. I saw it all happen, it was so right.

The moment was perfect, why not?

3 lives that are lead down a really bad path, who really have no future for anything , who are extremely high.

I was just waiting for her to make one bad judgement and we would be in the most amazing accident ever. Car is a convertible, but the top was up.

So i confined in this small space to imagine this perfect scenario if death. I saw the car flipping and just madness happening the feeling of the crushing and pain from hitting the ground and the car and glass just destroying me.

I was scared outa my mind.

My blood was on a rush and i was totally panicking in my head.

I felt as if God was looking at me with a sad eye using the our sun to portray his feelings.

And on the other side of the spectrum i can feel the dark death feeling glooming closer to us.

But i prayed for safety, and i was blessed to be able to write this now.

I got home safely, with a price.

My mother saw me and looked into my eyes, said your eyes are red you look and act like your high right now. I just kept going to my room and stayed there.

Talk about fucked up.

But that next day i woke up it was a new leaf for me.

I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medication and took my pill for the first time.

I know feel great for the second day. I did soo much yesterday and got involved with many projects in a positive way.

I just feel confident now and, things dont just run outa my head so easily. I feel more dedicated and focused.

So i'm hoping this is what ive always needed to balance out the negative unbalanced chemical in my head.

I just had to get this out and keep it here so i could always go back and remember that moment.